“I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!”
― Jenny Han, To All the Boys I've Loved Before

To All The Boys I’ve Loved,

I met the two of you in elementary school, which makes us completely outside the target audience for Netflix’s To All The Boys. We’re all married (or getting married!) to who we’re supposed to be with, but I’ve always wished you nothing but the best.

To All The Boys is not our story, but the crashing wave of nostalgia hits me every time I watch this sweet rom-com. Lara Jean Song-Covey was not the only one who safely fantasized about romance and wrote love letters that she never intended to mail…

I also hid behind my novels, while you two were busy being popular and dating girls like Genevieve.

Instead of my little sister mailing off my letters, I think something inside of me snapped in high school. Was it that lily pad you gave me on our field trip in the sixth grade? Was it the boys you had beaten up on my behalf because of some minor infraction?

Were the feelings getting too intense? Was I tired of being hopelessly in love with love? Maybe it was just high school… I don’t know!

I sent the first note off, waited for awhile, and pushed my disappointment deep into the pages of my diary. The second note was more of an instant message. After the niceties were exchanged, you told me you were in a relationship.

Why was I not surprised?

What surprised me was when you messaged me again after the break up. We started to talk as friends again. Then we became more than that for six years of our lives.

Love stories can have veins of similarities crossing between them. Diehard fans of TATB might recognize similarities between my story and Lara Jean’s, but don’t get me wrong. The nostalgia isn’t here because I regretted how any of this played out. Things played out exactly how they were supposed to.

The movie is just a reminder of how much I learned through it all.

Love is NOT just about Positive Thinking or Waiting for the “Good Things” to come

Can you maybe just admit that some part of you doesn't want everything in your life to be a fantasy?" — Margot

Fantasies are so much fun, except they rarely work out. Blame it on the lack of mind-reading abilities in the general population. Blame it on whatever. It’s just not how things work.

The world works through actions and consequences, not just on positive thinking and fantasies alone. You can’t just let love happen to you - you need to make it happen! You are in control here. Make your move:

You can’t meet new people if you don’t put yourself out there.

You can’t be friends with someone if you haven’t said a single word to that person.

LJ would not have ended up with Peter if she hadn’t told him she liked him!

Relationships take work! Positive thinking only works if you put in the work!

2. Don’t just be yourself… Be better!

“I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be brave. I want... life to start happening. I want to fall in love and I want a boy to fall in love with me back” - Lara Jean

Let’s get down to it. LJ had commitment phobia. You might have it. I had it.

If someone just told us to stay true to who we are, we would just choose to stay afraid!

Instead, maybe it’s time to push beyond that and grow. Work on yourself. Have higher standards for yourself.

You can’t have high expectations in your future beau if you don’t have high expectations for yourself. Talk about hypocrisy.

3. What Doesn’t Kill You, Is Telling You To Pivot

When you’re in high school, everything is urgent and untempered. Every. Single. Thing. Is. Intense.

The love is intense. Every first moment you share together is intense. It’s intense down to the moment your heart gets broken, and you swear you will never love again.

Before you go back to holing yourself up in your safe fantasies, relax! You are going to fall in love again.

I don’t know when you’ll fall in love again. It really depends on you. Are you going to look for love in all the spots where you’ve once lost it?

Or will you pivot and be open to a new kind of love or situation? That’s a choice for you to make.

So to all the boys I loved in school, thanks for showing me how to stand up for myself, to be brave, and to be a better person when I’m in love! You all played a part in bringing me closer to who I’m supposed to be with.

The relationship we have might range in how close they come to the Hollywood standards of love, but Jenny Han was right about one thing. The relationship you’re most happy in is “better, because it’s real.”